People who follow me on Twitter or are friends on Facebook often ask me “where the hell do you find this stuff??” At the risk of giving away all of my secrets, I’m sharing the sources of all of teh funny with you. I recommend avoiding all of these links if you ever want to be productive at work ever again.

Note: This blog post was originally published on January 19, 2009, but I’m republishing it with lots of new additions. Enjoy!

Awesomely Geeky

Doctor Fun – when I first stumbled across this comic strip, I was simply blown away.  Dave, the genius behind Doctor Fun, seems to have a bizarre fixation with Cthulhu, squirrels and marshmallow peeps, but let’s not hold that against him. This strip is perfect for anyone with a background in biology, computers, and general geekiness. I’d say he reminds me of Gary Larson, but that seems to be a kiss of death for comic strip artists. Doctor Fun is no longer in production (which breaks my freaking heart) but there are years of awesomeness you can browse through available in the Ibiblio archives.

Bash.Org – Database of funny and embarrassing quotes from IRC. This site has been around for ages, but they’re still adding new ones every few weeks. The RSS isn’t official, but does a web scrape to deliver the newest quotes to your feed reader, available here. Or follow @bashquote on twitter.

Penny Arcade [rss] – Honestly, if you haven’t heard of this comic, you have no right calling yourself a geek – but I have to include it for the sake of completeness. Funny, totally nerdy, sometimes mean – one of my favorites, and its thanks to Penny Arcade that I first started listening to Jonathan Coulton.

xkcd [rss] – Supremely geeky, sometimes sad, sometimes sweet, xkcd has to be one of the smartest comics out there. I own the “sudo make me a sandwich” shirt, and the people who get it, love it. The rest can sod off. This comic resonates with computer geeks, math nerds, physics brains, and code poets alike. Follow @XKCDrss on Twitter.

Diesel Sweeties [rss] – a pixelated paradise of nerdiness, complete with human-hating robots, a talking toaster and self-doubt. Follow creator @rstevens on Twitter.

Userfriendly [rss] – Sysadmin/Programmer/Cthulhu humor. Absolutely outstanding, however since these guys are sysadmins and not web developers, their RSS feed kinda blows, as it doesn’t show any actual content.

The Daily WTF [rss] – Funny error messages, spaghetti code and software development stories from the IT industry. Follow @DailyWTF on Twitter.

Noobz! [rss] – If you play MMORPGs, you won’t want to miss this weekly gem.

IrregularWebComic [rss] – Think Robot Chicken in web comic form, using LEGOs.

Stupid monsters someone was paid to make = the best job ever - from headinjurytheater.com, this is a collection of some of the dumbest and hilariously funny Dungeons & Dragons monsters ever created. The commentary is perfection in print.

For everyone else

I Can Has Cheezeburger [rss] – Not a new site by any means, but I love it.

FailBlog [rss]

Amazingly epic fails found in the wild and delivered daily. Follow @FailBlog on Twitter.

The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks [rss]

This is a major pet peeve of mine, so I find this blog hilarious.

Cake Wrecks [rss]

Fantastically awful birthday and wedding cakes. (It’s much funnier than it sounds, I promise.) Follow @CakeWrecks on Twitter.

Passive Aggressive Notes [rss]

Fantastically weird and insane passive-aggressive (and sometimes just aggressive) notes left for friends, family, dorm-mates, co-workers or total strangers. Follow @PANotes on Twitter.

ThereIFixedIt [rss]

Blog of epic kludges and jury-rigs. Do you believe duct-tape fixes everything? Take a picture – your handiwork probably belongs here. Follow @thereifixedit on Twitter.

AwkwardFamilyPhotos [rss]

Blog of, well, awkward family photos. I have a few I could submit myself, but I’d rather save myself the embarassment and pretend I come from a normal, well-adjusted family.

AvoidThisJob.Com [rss]

Hilarious blog of bizarre and sometimes creepy job postings. Follow @AvoidThisJob on Twitter. Incidentally, the above posting was highlighted on the Angry Mac Bastard podcast by yours truly in August.

EmailsFromCrazyPeople.Com [rss]

I’m pretty sure my mom is a ghost writer for some of these emails. Fortunately, not the one above. I don’t think. If you’re not sure what a Fleshlight is, click here. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

NotAlwaysRight.Com [rss]

Customer service experiences from hell.

Regretsy [rss]

Hand-curated collection of bizarre and often frightening things for sale on Etsy.Com. My favorite is the vagina category. Because there apparently a need for a vagina category.

PictureIsUnrelated.Com [rss]

Blog of utterly inexplicable photographs. I would have to assure there are explanations for all of these, but I’ll be damned if I know what they are. This one came from the comments, and I’m so glad it did. Thanks, Marc Brooks

Foamy the Squirrel – Although this technically isn’t particularly geeky, and it technically isn’t a web comic, since they are Flash Animations, EVERYONE should know about the wonder that is Foamy. Go there now – you’ll never be the same.

Cyanide & Happiness [rss] – bizarre, often naughty web comic

419 Eater

Fabulous collection of Nigerian email scams and the people who fight them. My all-time favorite from their list is Phil Mycrackin with Semen. It’s long, but totally and completely worth the read.

The Hasselhoff Calendar: Our Gift to You

While a David Hasselhoff calendar is funny enough in its own right, the author of this post goes through month by month with fantastic commentary, turning it into comedy gold. I play a joke on a friend of mine who works in animal welfare.  We frequently send each other PDFs of new laws, reports, etc – and every few months, I send him an email with the subject “Urgent! Need your help!” or some such thing. I change the file name and attach a copy of this calendar, tricking him into opening it on the premise of it being some urgent animal welfare matter. The joke has been running for years now and never fails to amuse. Incidentally, the PDF is available at the link.

Videos that always make me laugh or smile

There are some things on YouTube that make me laugh every single time I watch them, no matter how many times I’ve seen them before.

Habanera from Carmen, performed by the Swedish Chef and Beaker – This is one of my favorite things in the whole, wide world. The mp3 is available here, in case you want to use it as a ringtone.

Video for ‘Coder Girl’ by Dale Chase – My adoration of Dale is no secret, but this was a favorite even before I got to know him and what an awesome guy he is. (PS – download his album Absodefilutely from Amazon MP3 – its less than $6 and totally worth it!)

Skill vs Gear – Herring Seeks Your Life – Mutilate Rogue PVP – As a big Warcraft nerd, I love this video. Watch a guy dual-wielding fish, wearing only a tuxedo shirt, kick the crap out of everyone to the tune of the Ratatat remix of Biggie’s “Party and Bullshit”. Epic.

High-Kick Girl - video of a Japanese girl kicking some dude in the head.

Clitter! – Infauxmercial for Clitter, the feminine product that turns your labia into a YAY-bia!

Slow Loris Loves Getting Tickled – So cute, I think I get diabetes every time I watch it.

Those are some of my favorite things on teh intarwebs – what are yours? Let me know in the comments.

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snipeyhead: I have decided that the only thing that would make Linux more stable, reliable and awesome is if it were written by chuck norris

And, it went pretty much downhill from there. This is yet another time when the cleverness of the people who choose to follow me impresses the hell out of me and makes me laugh my ass off. I’ve included links to their Twitter accounts with their tweets, so you can follow them and marvel at their wit too.

I’ve tried my best to backtrack all of them to include them, but I may have missed a few. The tweets were flying by pretty quickly. It actually reminded me a lot of the #giantblueglowingcock meme from a few months back. I don’t usually get into the Chuck Norris jokes and memes, but the geek flavor kept this one going for a while.

Also please note that I am aware that there are some semantic issues with the tweets. Nobody “writes” Linux, etc. We only have 140 characters, so cut a little slack. We called this fictional version of Chuck Norris Linux ‘Chux’.

My favs are in bold

1. snipeyhead: And IF Linux were written by chuck norris, it would already have CP/IP (Cockpunch Internet Protocol) built in
2. brlittle: Chuck Norris does not need to punch anyone in the cock. He simply forces them to cockpunch themselves by sheer force of will.
3. jamiecalder: And it wouldn’t have a keyboard or mouse you couldn’t control it, it would control you.
4. snipeyhead @brlittle true, but he would build in the cp/ip for the rest if us
5. Michael_Moore: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux it would be called Chux and you would literally need to boot it.
6. davidcoallier: Actually…. if Chuck Norris wrote Linux, you couldn’t boot it, it would boot you.
7. philipdavidg: You don’t boot Chux, it boots you.
8. davidcoallier: see there.. “would boot you” –> woo boo tyou –> woo boon two –> Ubuntu
9. brlittle: To demonstrate his own manliness, Chuck Norris runs Cockpunch over IP on loopback.
10. jamiecalder: Chuck Norris would never be able to finish writing Linux. Mr. T would beta test it and pity him into quitting.
11. lkoutzas: if Chuck wrote Linux all developers would be to scared to write code cause of what it would do to you if it had a bug
12. brlittle: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, it would manage your windows by throwing your files through them.
13. snipeyhead: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, the only mantouch command would be the one that curbstomps you for needing a manual in the 1st place
14. This1GoesTo8: Chux doesn’t get viruses, but there is a .jpg of him ready to attack on /, just in case. It also acts as a firewall.
15. hubbit: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, there would be no man pages. Figure it out on your own, wuss.
16. brlittle: A Linux designed by Chuck Norris would require no backups, as it would be too scared of Chuck to fail.
17. david973: And Chuck can’t be a PC *or* a Mac. Because he’s always in CTRL, there is no ALT, and he takes no Commands.
18. brlittle: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, it wouldn’t use CUPS. Chuck’s nuts are rock hard. He has no need for CUPS.
19. brlittle: Chux would not feature voice recognition. Instead it would feature “throaty, masculine growl” recognition.
20. brlittle: In Chux, the only superuser would be Chuck himself. Fuck the rest of you
21. david973: The Chuckputer requires no input. Code assembles itself out of fear and it is powered by his own rage.
22. This1GoesTo8: Never, EVER type #!/bin/bash in Chux. Trust me on this one.
23. aellison: Chuck Norris Linux would be written on punch cards.
24. chickieleighc: @snipeyhead You have the most awesome followers. THIS is why twitter was invented
25. wcgallego: In chux, if you run “man paste”, it will impregnate you. Dudes too.
26. brlittle: Chux does not include a finger command. Chuck has no need for foreplay.
27. brlittle: Chuck’s personal favorite Chux command? “killall”.
28. brlittle: Typing “man man” in Chux will garner an instant cockpunch.
29. netmeg: would Chuck have a Kung Fu Grep?
30. snipeyhead: CPUs run faster to get away from Chuck Norris
31. snipeyhead: If Chuck Norris wrote linux, the kernel would always be panicking.
32. snipeyhead: When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
33. snipeyhead: Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
34. snipeyhead: Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
35. brlittle: Chux commands accept no arguments.
36. snipeyhead: All Chux-based browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue
37. snipeyhead: Chux doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
38. brlittle: Chux uses custom biometric credentials for each user: Only beardprints or fist indentations are accepted.
39. davidcoallier: Chux need no antivirus… viruses need anti-chux
40. snipeyhead: Chuck Norris stared down XMMS and it synced his iPod.
41. snipeyhead: Chuck Norris can play 3D games in his head by interpreting the source code in real-time.
42. snipeyhead: Chux has no dependencies.
43. snipeyhead: Chuck Norris does not use the GCC, he *writes* binaries.
44. wendelldotme: Chux doesn’t use ‘sudo’, it uses ‘judo’ (or ‘kung fudo’?)
45. davidcoallier: The only reason why Twitter doesn’t crash when we talk about Chux is because he allows it.
46. brlittle: Chux does not connect to servers. Servers meekly beg permission to connect to Chux.
47. mattonrails: “If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, the kernel would always be panicking” < < Wonder if our hosting SLA mentions “Acts of Chuck”
48. wendelldotme: Chuck Norris binary: you’re either with him, or null.
49. This1GoesTo8: Web pages on a Chux server are handled perfectly by IE6. No one dares question why.
50. wendelldotme: Chux not only works with Apache, it works to take back its land. In Chux, mySql is HISSql.
51. brundlefly: With Chux, “sudo” is assumed.
52. wendelldotme: Chux turns spam into bacon!
53. wendelldotme: Chux never really runs, it always stands and fights.
54. davidcoallier: Chux cronjobs run whenever they decide to run!
55. brlittle: Linux uses ping. Chux uses thump.
56. wcgallego: In Chux, you can’t find out what processes are currently running, because you will never “top” Chux
57. david973: Streams get edited in Chux because he SED so.
58. wendelldotme: Regardless of size, ALL computers running Chux are Supercomputers
59. mattonrails: ‘chmod +wtr ‘ = Walker, Texas Ranger. Coincidence?
60. mattonrails: Chuck Norris put the “ch” in “chmod” to remind us that he owns EVERYTHING.
61. brlittle: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, your email client would fold, spindle *and* mutilate your mail before delivering it.
62. graphikjunkie: when Chuck Norris types ‘sudo’ he automatically becomes superuser for every Linux server in existence.
63. Michael_Moore: Chux would respond to the smell of fear and gladiator sweat.
64. dracul01: #! is the last thing you remember hearing after booting up Chux, because of the Round House Kick start bootloader.
65. mtlb: Chuck Norris Linux would also only have one version. There would not be a version 7.1
66. brlittle: In Chux, there are three versions of python: Left, right and center.
67. ChurchHTucker: Chux won’t let you put anything in stdout…
68. davidcoallier: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux… there wouldn’t be PC vs Mac fights
69. pmbuko: Chux is case insensitive because sensitivity is weak.
70. brlittle: Chux can divide by zero.
71. iamPariah: If Chuck Norris wrote linux, the kernel would be a four-star general.
72. brlittle: Chux includes no Web browser. Chux holds the entire contents of the Internet in memory at all times.
73. jamiecalder: When Chick Norris encounters a kernel panic, it instantly gets demoted to cadet status.
74. brlittle: Bus speeds are irrelevant to Chux machines, as Chuck never takes the bus. Chux uses monster truck speeds.
75. andrenascentes: if you create a class named Chuck Norris, when you call it, you’ll have an stack overflow
76. brlittle: Chux provides no “sleep” command. Only “wait.” < — Cheap, but I like it.
77. pmbuko: In Chux, /dev/null is replaced by /dev/roundhouse.
78. wendelldotme: Chux supports no languages because Chuck Norris is a fighter, not a talker…
79. xzqx: If Chuck Norris wrote Linux, ‘kill’ would only accept one argument: -9. SIGINT? Please.
80. databyss: Chux has no daemons… they’re too scared to be around him.
81. This1GoesTo8: A Chux firewall consists of a .jpg of his icy stare. The paradox alone has driven many insane.
82. brlittle: Never play Minesweeper on a Chux machine. If you lose, it’ll be the last time.
83. brlittle: Curiously, the only game that ships with Chux is Solitaire. Turns out Chuck enjoy an nice, relaxing game of Klondike.
84. wendelldotme: Chux fills all available memory… with pain.
85. brlittle: There is no server version of Chux. Chuck serves no one.
86. wendelldotme: Chux uses windows… to kick its opponents through…
87. This1GoesTo8: I run Chux because CarradineOS kept hanging. #toosoon

I think that’s most of them If you were in on the fun, I hope it brought you a chuckle or two. Have you own insight on Chux? Leave ‘em in the comments

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Introducing LetMeGoogleThatForYou.Com, a delightfully snarky website that gets the point across in animated glory. Simply enter the search terms you used to find their answer, click the “google search” button, and LetMeGoogleThatForYou.Com will generate a custom url and Flash movie showing your luser exactly how hard it was to come up with the answer. For example, if said luser asked you if you knew where to find the lyrics to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”, you could send them here. (And no, its not a rickroll.)

The animation is quick and simple, but gets the point across.

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fRee eyboaRd

fiRst peRson gets it – a genuine MicRosoft compatible eyboaRd, ciRca 1999. It still woRs pRetty good, except the ey is missing, and foR some Reason the R is stuc on uppeRcase.

SeRious Replies only.

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