Following Me on Twitter

If you’re following me on Twitter, or if you’re thinking about following me on Twitter, here’s some stuff you should probably know.

Although it may sound like I’m trying to convince you not to follow me, that’s not the case at all. I’d absolutely love to have you! I just want you to know how I roll so I don’t have to suffer the heartbreak of your unfollow, and I don’t have to go through the hassle of finding out where you live so I can leave flaming bags of dog shit on your doorstep.

I tweet a lot. Hopefully you actually looked at my Twitter page before following, so this won’t come as a huge surprise to you, but just in case, I’m warning you now. I tweet a lot. I joined Twitter in March of 2008, and have over 50k updates as of July 2010. Each one is a shining gem of wisdom, of course, but – yeah – I tweet a lot.

I don’t always tweet about industry stuff. While it’s not at all uncommon to find me discussing web development, PHP, Facebook Application design, CSS, XML, the Amazon API, or any number of industry-related things, that makes up about 10% of what I talk about. So if you’re looking to follow me solely because I’m in the same industry as you, this might not be a good fit. That said, please always feel free to ask industry-related questions. If I know the answer, I’ll help – and if I don’t, I may very well know someone who does. You don’t even have to follow me if you just have a question or two.

I am NOT safe for work. Most of the time, anyway. I swear a lot, and tweet in hyperbole a lot. I will usually warn you if a link I have posted is NSFW, but my general day to day conversation tends not to be.  Don’t believe me? See for yourself. As of this posting, I am ranked 1,347 wordwide for swearing via Cursebird. (Go me!)

I’m really, really sarcastic. If you ever read something and you’re not sure whether I’m actually that much of an asshole, or are just being sarcastic, there’s a good chance I’m just being snarky. Usually.

I sometimes get a little silly. Okay, a lot silly. It doesn’t usually last as long as the #giantblueglowingcock debacle, but in between the swearing and the industry chat and cranky haikus, some silliness will invariably arise.

I don’t have a lot of patience for people who consider themselves gurus, and if you ever ask me about my personal brand, I will stop what I’m doing specifically to invent the technology that will let me stab you in the face over the internet. I work for an ad agency, so my marketing bullshit tolerance is worn pretty thin. And god help you if you use the word “synergy” in a tweet to me and mean it.

If you only ever tweet about using Twitter, I will probably unfollow you. If that’s really all you bring to the table, there’s not much to discuss. I once saw someone with the title “Twitter Coach” in their Twitter bio, and actually threw up a little in my mouth. Anyone who needs a “Twitter coach” is too stupid to use Twitter. Period. 140 chars. Don’t be a dick. There, now I’m a Twitter coach too.

So that’s what you should know about following me on Twitter. If you do decide to follow (or keep following), please send me an @reply letting me know how you found me and why you decided to follow. And if you think I’m teh funny, or at teh clever, considering throwing a vote in for my tweets at Threadless.

For more about me and some of the goofy things I create, check out my about page.

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